I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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