a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
