y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
