my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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