dude i'm inner monologue high
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
