The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
