people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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