I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize