I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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