hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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