it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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