Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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