chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
