She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
