i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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