Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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