i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
