This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize