I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize