Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You may now shotgun with the bride
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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