Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
