I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
