Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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