I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
