planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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