I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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