oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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