so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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