How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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