Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
