easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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