He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
