My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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