i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
