Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
