my sisters under your porch take her home
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
