Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
