I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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