the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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