There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
