Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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