I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
