great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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