Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
