He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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