i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
