ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
