My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
