My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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