So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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