Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
