I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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