i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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