Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
