my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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