Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize