toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
