I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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