I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize