i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
