wanna go halves on a baby?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
