so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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