my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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