He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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