I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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