Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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