let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
