lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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