I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
