"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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