ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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