i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
